Scrambled Eggs Rethought

I know, I know . . . It has been a while since I have posted. However, consider this my "triumphant return" to the blogosphere for the time being.

Today's topic - scrambled eggs. Most people have eaten scrambled eggs at one point or another in their lifetimes, but it is surprising how few people have actually made the scrambled eggs themselves. Making eggs seems to be one of the easier aspects of kitchen navigation/cooking - for example, how many times have you heard someone measure their culinary capabilities by claiming, "Well, I can make eggs pretty good."? (And, grammatically speaking, it is "I can make eggs well," but who is counting?) Despite using "making eggs" as the easy end of the measuring tape of cooking skills, I think we all need to rethink making eggs.

Before I move into the scrambled eggs recipe I have devised, I need to address the various other ways we cook eggs (primarily for breakfast): frying - "sunny side up", "over easy," "over medium," and "over hard" or simply, "fried"; poaching - which involves boiling water, cracking an egg, and dropping it into the water, usually using a whirlpool effect to keep it from hitting bottom; and boiling - always in-shell (otherwise it is poaching) either completely cooked through - "hard boiled" or not quite so cooked through - "soft boiled." Microwaves should never be used in making eggs. Ever. Period.

Now let's move on to the main course of this post - scrambled eggs. While most people make scrambled eggs with eggs (obviously), milk/water, salt, and pepper, there are infinite combinations that one can create using the basic scrambled eggs mixture just listed. To expand your horizons with scrambled eggs, you need to look at the basic mixture as a glue of sorts - what holds the rest of your ingredients together. As we all know - or at least should know - eggs solidify as they cook, trapping any other ingredients in place (like fruit in Jell-o). You could use any ingredient from apples to zucchini to make your scrambled eggs more lively and tasty!

However, before you go into the kitchen and add apples, onions, basil, parsley, jalapeno peppers, and raspberries to your eggs, you need to think about how to mix and match your flavors, textures, and consistencies. I think it is quite clear that you do not want to mix watermelon and anchovies in your scrambled eggs for at least two reasons: 1) Watermelon is entirely too watery to ever allow your egg mixture to solidify and 2) Do you really think watermelon and anchovies would be good? I cannot imagine that it would be very good . . . Ehem . . . Moving on, it is important that you clear your mind of prejudices as to what you use in your scrambled eggs. Fruit in scrambled eggs is entirely possible with this caveat - do not use a fruit that has a high water content because you will never get the necessary amount of water to cook out of your mixture without burning your eggs! Tomatoes are an exception to this rule because, well, because they are tomatoes!

Now, when I say "mixture," I want to make it clear that I do not mean you add these ingredients to your egg mixture before you pour all of it into the frying pan. You always need to saute the ingredients - meats, vegetables, fruits, herbs, etc - before you add your egg mixture. As I said, you can use tomatoes, but you need to plan ahead if you want to use tomatoes. Many "cooks" will tell you to scoop out the center of the tomato before you saute it, and while, yes, this eliminates a lot of the water content of the fruit (yes, a tomato is a fruit), it also eliminates almost all of the flavor. The flavor of the tomato is actually in the gooey, slimy, gelatin-y part of the fruit that holds the seeds, which also hold some of the flavor themselves. While you want that "tomato taste" in your eggs, you do not want all of the water. To remedy this problem, you need to saute your tomatoes earlier than your other ingredients - onions, bacon, peppers, mushrooms, etc - by perhaps five minutes or so. The rest of the ingredients should be sauteed for about five minutes before you add the egg mixture. If you are using a meat in your scrambled eggs - bacon, sausage, or ham usually - you need to begin cooking that first. Vegetables and fruits take much less time to cook than meats and they usually cannot harm you if you eat them raw assuming you have washed them first of course and you are not buying vegetables/fruits grown outside of the U.S.A. (such as Mexico) where food safety is lax if not non-existent. I highly, highly, highly recommend that you avoid, at all costs, produce grown outside of the U.S.A. Support your local farmers and growers who must follow certain regulations in growing their crops so that you will not fall victim to bacteria such as salmonella such as those people who consumed certain peppers grown in Mexico using irrigation ditches containing raw sewage - human feces included! Anyway . . . Once your meat is on the way to being thoroughly cooked - please, never consume undercooked breakfast meats! - add the vegetables, fruits, and/or herbs to your saute pan and cook as desired. I prefer to caramelize the vegetables/fruits/herbs, but some people prefer crunchy. Once you have reached the point of doneness you want, add the usual scrambled egg mixture - beaten eggs, milk/water, salt and pepper to taste - to your pan. Do not start poking at your eggs right away with a spatula - let them alone for a minute. Once the egg mixture begins to solidify around the edges of the pan, gently slide a spatula between the eggs and the side of the pan to create a little bit of space so that your eggs do not stick to the side of the pan. Put a lid on your eggs and do not open it for about two minutes. Of course, I need to mention that you should never cook eggs at any heat more than medium-low or else you will scorch them - and no one likes scorched eggs! (I want to add here that eggs are, more often than not, overcooked by the home chef. No, you do not want to eat eggs raw; however, your eggs should still be moist!) Check your eggs. If they still look gooey, put the lid back on and wait another minute or so. At this point, break the eggs up in the pan. This way you will see if you need to cook any longer or if you need to turn your heat down. Once the eggs are about done, throw one a few pieces of cheese if you like, put the lid on for a few more seconds to melt the cheese, and then remove the scrambled eggs from the pan onto your plate. Finally, eat them!

Here is how I like to apply this method of scrambled eggs:

Ingredients - 3 eggs; milk; olive or canola oil; basil (if fresh - 2 Tbsp.; if dried - 1 Tbsp.); 2 small frying peppers (like cubanelles), seeded and chopped; 1/2 small onion, chopped; 2 tsp. freshly ground pepper; and 1 tsp. kosher salt.

Equipment - small/medium saute pan with lid; spatula (make sure it is heat proof or it will melt - plastic + eggs = garbage can); chef's knife; cutting board(s), never cut vegetables/fruits/herbs on the same board you cut meats on; whisk/fork with which to mix eggs; and mixing bowl or large cereal bowl in which to mix eggs.

Saute the peppers, onions, and basil in enough olive/canola oil to cover the bottom of the pan over medium-low heat to desired doneness. Beat eggs and add a little milk (about 1/8-1/4 cup). Add salt and pepper into mixture and incorporate thoroughly. Add egg mixture to the pan and cook as directed above, using a mild cheese such as "farmer's cheese" or brick cheese. Enjoy.

Get into that kitchen and make some eggs! You will not regret rethinking how to scramble eggs. Breakfast is suddenly interesting again. I hope my insights have helped you. Thanks for reading. Until next time, bon appetit!